Happy Snow Day

Nocturnal Chatterings #16

there is a gnawing in my chest ... somewhat of a sick vibration chewing to get out ... i wouldn't mind if it did then i could bleed myself to sleep ... the rest of the world moves on without me ... i walk around daily with no one knowing ... if i go to sleep the nightmares will come ... i am alone in the world ... "how is my husband doing?" or "are you spending the break with your family" or "are you going out with your friends this weekend?" ... NO NO NO ... i have none of the above ... honestly, i do not know how to have a friendship or any relationship actually ... i learned all i know from books and tv ... i smile when it is proper, chuckle, give the 'serious' look, or give the 'understanding' look ... but i haven't a clue ... i do not know why i am here ... i do not know what i am doing ... i just pretend to know hoping it will come to me ...

The Insanity of a Dry Flood

That the days have been ruthless is the best I can say. With all the ambiguity, anxiety gnaws inside my intestines and I've vomited multiple times. Most people do not know and I do not tell them.

Divorce is hard but not knowing what will happen is harder.

I try to continue on with life but it seems the odds are against me. It seems every week something on my car breaks and there goes any plan of paying off my many debts. With a spouse who has lost the title to the car and has been unwilling to sign it over to me anyway, I cannot trade it in for something more reliable.

Not that I can afford an extra monthly payment since my dependency on Kawasaki Ninjas continues to grow. For a very true one-and-only good bargain indeed (which would save me money in the long run ... yeah, you've heard that one before), I rented a car on Saturday, drove an hour out of town, turned in the car, caught a ride to the shiny red 650 and drove it home in the freezing temperatures to discover that it's previously-rented storage space is not quite large enough for my small frame to maneuver a 356 pound bike around.

I got the furious beast into the cell but it may not run so well again after I over-adjusted the idle-switch to the point of continual stalling. I cursed myself as I walked a mile back in the elements to where I had left my car.

Turns out, I had locked my keys in the tired vehicle and that caused another series of events.

I should just stay home. Today, while waiting in traffic, a tiny elderly lady in a Honda Civic did a hit-and-run on my left-front driver's side. I ended up following her thinking she would pull over - after all, she HAD slowed down somewhat. I was beginning to wonder if she was going to pull over at all until I saw her glide onto a side street. However, two red-lights behind her, she was pulling back out onto the road as if nothing had happened. I looked at my tired car and saw a dent and scratches so I went back out after her only to find her waiting in the drive-through line at McDonald's.

I said "screw-it" and went back to work to eat my cold sandwich. Either I've already had a break-down and am insane or am about to arrive at that point.

Grease AND Petroleum In Your Burger: Part II

I'm sure you're glad to know that there are no wild animals running amok in our local farmer's market. As I promised in my last post, I did get my current groceries from a farmer's market. Except for Vitamin Water, everything I bought was fairly local (farthest being Kansas). There was even a farmer there advertising his milk which was hormone free and cost the same as more popular brands. I purchased eggs, fruits, vegetables, and breads, etc. and actually paid about 60% LESS than I normally would at the popular markets all the while NOT participating in the costly transportation of agriculture!

I'm extremely pleased with my successful venture and will continue to shop there. The awareness of not only the cost-factor produced in our dietary habits but the health and safety factors have become very frightening to me. How many of you are aware of the full impact of the genetic modification of the food you eat? If you aren't, then I advise that you do some research.

For example, were you aware that Monsanto creates special PATENTED seeds that are modified for shipping durability? How do these modified seeds affect our health? I would think that our bodies do not have the immunity for modified food as we do to natural foods; thus, allergies increase and who knows what else.

There are a handful of companies (DuPont, Monsanto, etc) that completely control agricultural economics. For example, Monsanto's "Terminator Technology" causes seeds to become sterile after one use so that farmer's will have to depend on said company for seeds. I'm not a farmer but shouldn't seeds be able to reproduce?

Supposedly, this particular terminator technology is restricted to help the "small farmer" but there are plenty of other ways these companies dominate what goes into our mouths. These companies have also been known to create seeds that will be prone to certain insect infestations that may occur in the year so that the farmers will be forced to buy that SAME company's herbicide. Again, what does this do to our bodies?

I could go on but, for now, I'll just keep trying to buy locally.
There are already many good articles out there for your perusal. Here are a couple:

*CEWAP
*OurFood.com

PS: Here's one for those conspiracy theorists to investigate: The biochemical/agriculatural companies are secretly teaming up with the pharmaceutical companies to completely dominate our bodies, finances, and the world!

Grease AND Petroleum In Your Burger: Part I

This year I am going to try to eat more foods that were produced locally. This will be very difficult due to the fact that I pretty much eat at least one meal out a day; however, I am now fully motivated.

Someone recently recommended Barbara Kingsolver's book "Animal, Vegetable, Miracle." Unlike her well-known novels of fiction, Ms. Kingsolver essentially mixes her family's memoirs on their endeavor into the wilderness to live on thier own crops with a ton of intriguing facts regarding the processes involved in our food intake.

Some interesting factoids from the book:

• Americans consume 400 gallons of oil per year per citizen for agriculture. The majority of this comes from the trip from farm to plate.
• The portion of agricultural fuel we pay is $80 billion or $725 per household each year.
• If every US citizen ate one meal a week from locally raised foods, we would reduce our country's oil consumption by over 1.1 million barrels every week.
• Buying locally generates 3x as much revenue for the local economy.

This weekend I will attempt a visit to the Farmer's Market and let you know how it goes. If there are wild goat running amuck and pissing the aisles then I've got a problem.

Keeps On Coming

I'm very sad for all the trouble that has come our way. I love you something terrible. If I could fix it then I would but I don't know how. I do not understand how people can bear so much and still breathe. Despite all the horror and trauma we have experienced in our lives we still manage to be a kind a caring people so it is beyond harsh that we still have to suffer. I would like to shoot whoever said "love is enough." You are full of goodness. Perhaps things will evolve our way in another ten years and we can find some peace.

Icy Smash & Crash

I went, I crashed down the slopes, crawled back to the lift, repeated. Dumb.

• Bruised knees
• Bruised buttocks
• Bruised ribs
• Aggravated concussion
• Whiplash
• Limited movement in shoulders / arms
• Limited movement in neck
• Numerous strained muscles, rotator cuff, etc.
• Down for two weeks
  

Final verdict: Take it in short slopes with snow. DO NOT use fake ice slopes. It's called momentum.

Nocturnal Chatterings #15

-- Here we are again ... another sleepless night...

++ At least it's been a while.

-- Decisions eating up through the lining of my stomach into my frozen jaw. WHAT IS THAT NOISE?!

++ That's a big reason why the decision has to be made.

-- The cats are going crazy tonight. I wonder if they can sense my stress.

++ Probably but they are also just crazy.

-- It's been almost a year since I've moved into this apartment. ...DEAR GODALLAHBUDDHA THEY ARE CLIMBING THE WALL! .... cats

++ You've given it a good shot and have done all you know to do. There's nothing else you can do. The work has to come from both parties involved.

--It's going to be ugly. I'm a life-destroyer. I must have a dark passenger.

++ Maybe it won't be so bad. FYI: you've been watching too much Dexter in the same sitting...

-- It could be that ... DEAR GODALLAHBUDDHA IT SOUNDS LIKE SOMEONE IS DYING! ...cats

++ Whatever happens, time will go on.

-- Oh, that sounds like a piece of crap. Why do you always say crap like that?

++ I think it's my job.

-- Well, I don't like it so stop it.

++ If you have a "dark passenger" then I have a "dark defender."

-- I wouldn't mention that to the blues if I were you.

Find Your Candidate

2 U N 08