Hello,
Yes, I am still here fighting in every way possible directly on the front lines but I will answer your questions:
1. First, am I in a locked psychiatric facility fighting four-point restraints? No ... not yet anyway.
2. Secondly, what am I doing? Well, this is what I do: I go to work most days then most evenings I attend a custom-prescribed therapeutic regimen to constructively deal with my specific traumas. I work at this program so that by the time I get home at night I am exhausted. I am committed to seeing this through or dying - whichever comes first.
The only thing else I do is play Halo (which I am lousy at), pay some of my bills, clean litter boxes, buy cat food to fill said litter boxes, and eat cake. Yes, cake. White cake with white icing from the bakery. I've eaten two cakes in as many weeks alone. No, I have not gained a pound. ... I think because I eat little else.
I do not clean house, my grooming and other ADL's are poor, I have not been to the Zendo ... or anywhere really ... many of my bills are unpaid, and I am doing poorly at work. This is OK because none of these things matter to me at this time.
For example, last week I was informed that I have no motorcycle insurance but this is OK because I haven't been riding my motorcycle. I have also learned that I am about to be sued because I have not been paying my medical bills. This is also OK because many of said bills are for services not rendered. I HAVE NOT received any substance abuse treatment and AM NOT receiving B12 injections. I said cake NOT Vodka. I have multiple therapists so I think they would know if such activities have been going on. Blue Heartless Cross & Shield can pay all the f* lawyers and debt collectors all they want for their own stupidity I need not contribute.
3. Third, how is my health? My heart is broken in every manner possible and I do not exercise. The only other activities besides work and the program are Halo and cake ... so my health? ... ehhh, whatever. I know I'm doing what I need -- that much I can say for sure. My therapists tell me that we can use the devastating effects of the required beta-blocker to our advantage by working with the relentless emotional tirade they bring about as opposed to me being numb, in denial, and generally apathetic. It's kind of like "Eat, Pray, Love" without the travel.
4. Lastly, how long is my hiatus? I do not know but as long as it needs to be. I don't feel like blogging and have other writing-type things to do. In fact, I'll probably just go ahead and try to publish all the crap I write so that perhaps I can pay for my non-bills should I decide to do so but I am sure I will blog again regularly at some point.
I do hope you are well and all is peaceful on your front-lines. I do hope the war ends soon so I can stop the obnoxious analogy.
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