Lord, Forgive Me For I Have Lived

I pick at my nails, chew on my lip, and clench my fists to safety when someone mentions the need to "be saved by the Lord Jesus." I fight it, it claws my stomach, I had swallowed it whole but now I want to bust it open and burn it down.

Perched in a pew at least three times a week the man in front screamed at my sinful nature -- declaring that only those who found Jesus in THIS building would NOT perish and THAT THIS was the ONLY straight and narrow path.

Consoling self, I try explaining that "self, these people are at an evolutionary level where they need to believe in the things that they do; after all, Jesus had to speak in parables to help them in their understanding" or "self, churches are so fundamental to society -- where would people go for food, shelter, and other support?" But self wants to accept and be accepted - not condemned like Jesus himself. Self ends up gnashing teeth -- ready to wail at even those Christians who are truly kind-hearted and very not worthy of such disrespect.

Self is angry - needs sleep - self needs to get through the rage. Otherwise, self is no better and like those rigid fundamentalists it abhors.

Judge What?

"The tendency to turn human judgments into divine commands makes religion one of the most dangerous forces in the world.”*

Recently, I have had a hard time determining whether or not someone is good or bad. Such a characteristic can be handy to know. For instance, I don't want to risk any type of vulnerability with someone who seems nice one day but is ripping out my jugular the next. But how can I tell?

A person can do good deeds and have a hateful soul. Likewise, a person can do bad deeds and have a loving soul. Thus the old cliche, "judge the sin not the sinner." I cannot say who is a good person and who is a bad person. Often, though not always, it is easy to decide what is a bad behavior and what is a good behavior. There are consequences to either. For example, if someone kills another person than the crime must be dealt with accordingly regardless of intent or whatever. However, determining what is really going on inside a person is impossible.

I guess the bottom line is that I have not right to say whether or not someone is good or bad. Hitler supposedly loved his dogs. I knew a boy scout leader who was molesting members of his troop. Most likely, I ascertained that it is my duty to determine someones goodness due to old fire-and-brimstone church messages I received in my early years. Most of those messages I have abandoned and this is another useless one I need to get rid of too. This one is harder though because I use it as protection and a means to avoid others.

Indeed, religion can be quite dangerous.

*Georgia Harkness

Liberation From Our Chains ... True ... but how?

"Our deepest fear is NOT that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, NOT our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?'; Actually, who are you NOT to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world.

There is nothing enlightening about shrinking so that other people won't feel unsure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us, IT IS WITHIN EVERYONE! As we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

(from Nelson Mandela's 1994 Inaugural Address)

NOTE: I actually got this quote from www.tammyfaye.com. I did not agree with most things she said or believed but she was genuine and kind to others.

Head On Down To The Jesus Camp

Someone told me that they became angry after watching the documentary of religious extremists entitled "Jesus Camp." Hoping to find someone else's issue to ride (instead of my own) I finally was able to watch it. Unfortunately, I cannot say it distracted me much from my own brooding.

Having been raised in a community of Pentecosts and extreme Baptists, there was nothing new for me in this movie. I was not shocked and I was not appalled.

While not supportive of teaching such extremist views to children, I do believe that we have to teach our children something. Though I do not know exactly what that should be, I fear that the tactics used in Jesus Camp remind me of tactics used by Algeria, Angola, Bangladesh, Bhurma, Cambodia, Colombia, Congo-Brazzaville, Pakistan, Peru, Rwanda, Sierra Leone, Uganda, etc. At least there were no guns at the Jesus Camp.

Children need guidance and ideals to follow but in the end we all need to decide what we truly believe versus what we were taught to believe. After all, that is the essence of the Jesus story -- to let your old beliefs die to what you truly believe and are but... the path to such self-truth is indeed narrow while the path to craziness seems to widen...

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