Deliver Hope

Racing to deliver a devastating blow to the enemy forces, while keeping Humanity safe a little longer, a soldier is unexpectedly blasted into the ground. Her comrade comes to the rescue to take the device and successfully destroys the enemy ship -- taking himself with it :

Talk Is Cheap And Lies Are Expensive And The Shit's So Deep I Can't Turn Around

I got no beliefs. But I believe I'm a walking contradiction and I ain't got no rights.

Let My Mind Rest For Good

I can't sleep. I took my 6pm Seroquel then my 8pm double- Seroquel along with everything else. Exhausted, but still nothing , I tried the Klonopin. Just now, the Ambien.

I get so wound up that I doubt that even a horse tranquilizer would take me down. Any other time and the 6pm dose alone would knock me out.

Today I tried to order a chicken sandwich but became so confused and disoriented by the cashier that my hands shook, I started to cry, and had to leave. I can't tolerate human interaction today. It hurts too bad.

God, so much chatter in my head. I want everything to stop or for me to go away.

Communication Retardation

I failed again. I can't explain myself properly even when I know exactly what I need. It seems all I can do is point and yell "THAT WAY !!!"

Bleeding Out

By the time i'd reached the office, I was profusely bleeding out emotions. I had told them that they could do it. I wanted any morsel of relief possible. I'd had chest pain, stomachache, dizziness, and vomiting throughout the day so whatever it took then I would do -- even if it meant free-falling to the bottom of my darkness. But I failed them again and am now paying the price.

But it was not safe there so that I went flying elsewhere. I think she wants me dead so they tell me to cut or take pills. Curled up in a soft blanket, I feel my heart rate slowing some more so that I hope I won't have to go through another day again.

Just Press Enter

I slam my eyes tight, grind down my jaw, press the 'Enter' key, and wait for the explosion. It's true, there has never been an outburst here but this is how paranoid I've become since starting the new job despite the fact that my broken self-confidence surely only increases the likelihood of more unemployment. Preferring to be invisible, a ripple of pain skids through my stomach whenever I have to ask anyone a question. Feeling as if I should already know most stuff, I fear yelling or name-calling. Somewhat irrational, somewhat not so. Either way, the feeling is intolerable enough that I waste days banging my head against the wall when I could probably get the information I need within ten minutes from someone else.

Nevermind, my limitation is reached so that I put on my ear buds in attempt to shatter the intrusive thoughts and hopefully drive me away to a better place. I also desperately need to escape the loud gurgling from my irritated and overly-sensitive stomach. I feel betrayal that my stomach noise is indicative of my presence yet I also feel sympathy at the same time. Lack of sleep always makes it worse.

thirteen years ago today

"... And in the darkest night ...
... if mY memory serves You/mE right ...
... i will not turn back time ...
... forgetting yOu ...
... but not the time ... " *