A Towel Of Fond Sudsy Memories

As I was semi-snoozing by the pool over the weekend, a man caught my eye when he pulled out a lounger and began to prepare for his sunning. He was shaking out a huge red, white, and blue beach towel which was designed to replicate a can of Budweiser. Immediately, I began to get all sentimental and sad.

In case you don't know, St. Louis is world headquarters and home to Anheuser-Busch brewing company - number one in the world. Last week it was announced that foreign company InBev has elicited a hostile takeover of our American brew. Since then St. Louis has been in chaos as protesters march downtown and flock to http://www.saveab.com/ in hopes of signing a petition that will probably go nowhere.

After reading the New York Times article today depicting the debacles of August Busch IV, CEO, I was almost amongst a few of my peers who conclude that the spoiled good-ole-boys-club member should go down in flames but then ... I thought of the towel.

Though AB products are not amongst my favorite suds, they do hold a special place in my heart. Amongst all St. Louis iconery, they are second only to the Arch and impose a great camaraderie amongst the locals that would be sorely missed. Many of my favorite St. Louis experiences surround AB:

1. Catching wind of the enticing sweet smell of yeast and hops brewing as I cruise down I-55.
2. Watching the Cardinals hit homers at Busch Stadium.
3. Working for AB Information Technology to monitor brewery software.
4. Participating in AB charity fundraisers.
5. Then, my fave: Grant's Farm. Yeah, it's a tiny little theme park but I would greatly miss my regular pilgrimages to ride the tram as it gets stuck in animal "traffic." Then, getting my shoelaces chewed on by the goats as I sip on the free Amber-Bock. Later, I always complain that the exotic animals should be sent back home but then I drink some more brew and am content. I was there last Christmas for the special pageants and then again last month for a university scholarship fundraiser.

I suppose the brewery would continue on but it wouldn't be the same and all theme parks would be sold. If I was responsible for an empire that had taken generations to build, then I would have assured that nothing like this would even be possible. I do know that if the takeover succeeds then I vow, like the rest, to never drink another AB / InBev-related product. Yeah, that won't be too much of a change for me but ... that towel ... :o(

Quake It As You Will

One-Hundred and Fifty-Seven miles away from my bed at about 4:37am today, the Earth started to rumble. Approximately seven minutes earlier, I had been awoken by the sound of growling cats crashing about. I thought that they were up to their shenanigans again, moaned at them, and then rolled back over to sleep but never made it back to Z-Land because a few minutes later my bed began to shake, the windows rattled, and strewn jewelry tingled on my dresser.

I immediately shot up in bed wondering if I was dreaming or having a strange side-effect to my latest medications. But wait, there were the cats - they were real and they weren't looking so good. Eventually, the movement stopped and I listened for my neighbor upstairs moving about to confirm that it was not my imagination but there was no noise. After inspecting the apartment and finding no signs of damage, I clicked on the television for any emergency warnings but there were none. Still drugged and drowsy, I returned to sleep with a headache.

When the alarm clock went off a few hours later, I recalled the strange event and switched the tube on to the news and sure enough there had been an earthquake. It was then that I became severely afraid and noticed a knot on my forehead beginning to bruise. I phoned the almost-ex-husband to check on him and the house but there was no answer. For the who-knows-how-many-times-this-week, I realized the vast immensity of my aloneness in this world. An earthquake had occurred and I had no human to give or from whom to receive support. I choked my tears back and focused on getting to work.

Not even an hour into the workday, my cubicle walls started to shake, my monitors jiggled, and it was happening again. People began to panic as the world around us became a vertigo jungle. We pretty much tried to shrug it off with jokes but none of us have lived in California so we hadn't experienced anything like this. We all knew it could be much worse ... perhaps, that's why we were bothered. I think my degree of fear was intensified due to having grown up along the infamous New Madrid Fault. Nevertheless, I received the email a few minutes later from the almost-ex who was wondering if I was okay and my fear diminished significantly.

Not allot of work got done in our office this morning but something happened and it was more odd than the seismic activity. It was just the day before that I was mapping out my plan regarding how I was going to cope with the many trials of divorce and now a spot of damned hope was back again. Quakes come in all forms.

Craving The Noise of a Bug-Zapper

With only two days in a court room, Devlin has been sentenced to twenty life sentences. He has one more day of court to go. It's still not enough ... I suppose it is not possible for anything to be enough to make up for his atrocities. Even though others say it is more justice to keep him alive and let him suffer the horrors of a pedophile in prison than to put him to death, I'd still rather see him dead. Many would disagree but I view child sexual abuse as equivalent to murder and what this guy did is even worse.

Media Struggles

Hell

I knew the ugly was going to get uglier. When they found the kidnapped boys in the small apartment I knew and I was right. It may be that the public needs to hear about it, but as the horrific details began to emerge I am stifled to even breathe. A little boy's trauma plastered in the news...

They can paint it with their "half-full" phraseology of a "Missouri Miracle", and no doubt it was, but I was raised by two Michael Devlins and I know. The entrapment...the helplessness...the identifying...the shame...the terror...the instinct to survive even though you don't want to...then the worst -- the war to get back something you may have never even had to begin with more less get again.

Neighbors say "he always seemed like an average guy" but now they call him "a monster." They properly coin him as a freak but do not realize that there is likely a similar one already in their neighbor's house down the street. Nevertheless, my vengeful wish is that he live long and suffer. I'm not proud of it but it is true.

I hope they do not let him die -- that they do not let him live his life in a jail cell where his health needs are taken care of -- that they strip him of his clothes, throw him into an isolation cell, let the diabetes eat off the rest of his body, and let him suffer long until he rots dead.

Finding That Which Was Lost

"...And when she hath found it, she calleth her friends and her neighbours together, saying, Rejoice with me; for I have found the piece which I had lost.”"

Awake at 3am is not a good sign.

The entire St. Louis region has been glued to the TV astounded by the discovery of two missing boys. That fact that one was found was amazing but that two were found is beyond belief -- yet it happened. I remember clearly the picture of the bicycle from which the older boy had seemingly vanished into thin air over four years ago. Almost an evil blessing that it took one lost child to find another.

It has to take threats to get a child into a car and keep him for any length of time. Threats can be hard to recover from. The longer you live with them the more they change you. Like toxins, they poison your world and shape it into something unrecognizable and seemingly unbearable.

The trauma is haunting but there is no exorcism for it. I've had trauma and have searched every known avenue seeking resolution. Lately, the disillusionment that I would free myself has become too clear and the darkness of it is blinding.

Vividly, I recall living trapped in a house of torture where there was no escape. Threats of terror if I were to leave or tell burdened me heavily. I did not want anyone to get hurt.

Strange that even though the threat of violence is gone I still feel trapped in a house burdened by the misery of others and myself. If I could pack up and leave the sense of hopelessness and doom behind then I surely would but since I've done that once already I know that it would not work. My brooding haunted self will follow.

I hope that the boys get past the shock, the senseless self-blame and shame that replace the utter helplessness, the rage that surely should follow, and find peace. I hope we all do. Finding something lost is a good thing.

Missing Child

newslink

Amber Alert Issued for Ben Ownby
Last Seen: Monday, January 8, 2007 around 3:30 p.m.
Beaufort, MO (Franklin County)

Name: William " Ben" Ownby (male)
Age: 13
Height: 4 foot 10
Weight: 100 lbs.
Other: brown hair, blue eyes, last seen wearing a St. Louis Rams windbreaker and blue jeans. He was also wearing glasses.

Disappearance synopsis:
Officials say William "Ben" Ownby was last seen after he exited his school bus near his home on Burth Lane and Highway 50 in Franklin County, Mo.
Investigators believe Ben may have been abducted by someone driving a truck described as a white, possibly Nissan pickup truck with a camper shell and large rust spots. A witness said he saw a truck speed from the area after he and Ben split up.

Contact Information: If you have any information, please call:

Franklin County Sheriff's Department: 636-583-2567
911

Funds, Family Assistance

Ben Ownby Benefit Fund
A benefit fund has been established for the family of Ben Ownby to assist them while they search for Ben.
Donations can be made payable to:
Union Area Chamber of Commerce: Ownby Family Benefit
103 South Oak Street/P.O. Box 168
Union, MO 63084
Phone: 636-583-2555
www.unionmochamber.org
Donations can be made in person.

Find Ben Reward Fund
A reward fund has been established to raise money to offer as a reward for information leading to the safe return of Ben Ownby.
Dontations can be made payable to:
Union Bank Of Missouri
103 South Oak Street/P.O. Box 168
Union, MO 63084
Phone: 636-583-2555

Curses, bashings, and "I'm Only Concerned About the Kids"

I know I haven't blogged for a while. I've been busy with resting and trying to get healthy. I will finish the "Step..." series but this morning something jumped out and lit my heater up: the on-going fiasco with the St. Louis School Board. Who the hell voted for these people?

Diana Bourisaw, left, and Veronica O'Brien

Apparently, there was an emergency closed-door school board meeting called by the board president (Veronica O'Brien) to discuss the firing of the SIXTH superintendent (Diana Bourisaw) serving in the past three years. The session was described as a personal attack on current superintendent Bourisaw with no legitimate complaints.

One board member stated that. "They were hurling accusations at her, trying to demoralize her to the point she would quit," Purdy said. "If this was a school yard, you would call it bullying — that's all it is." This superintendent has only been in office for ONE semester.

Another member complained "I haven't seen her (Bourisaw) do anything productive. She doesn't have the leadership qualities we are looking for in a superintendent," he said. (I'm assuming he is meaning a "yes-man/woman" to do whatever the psychotic board ramblings dictate.)

How could ANYONE get a school system out of such a mess in one semester? Since 2001, the district’s fund balance has dropped from $63 million to a deficit of $30 million. Progress in test scores in the elementary schools has been offset by declines in middle school and high school performance. How can any good come from a group of people who are known for their violent arguing, walking out of meetings, throwing water over each other's head in anger, and placing "curses" upon one another.

I've seen the Bourisaw working in different school systems for the past few years. Whether or not she is right for this particular job is too soon to say. But I do know that she is very intelligent, experienced, and is a kind person. It is the school board, not the superintendents, that have been the problem. Specifically, the president of the school board is completely out of control. During her Fox 2 interview this morning, it was clear that Veronica O'Brien could or would not answer a question in any constructive manner.

A tidbit of history here: the new superintendent recently submitted a report to the state on the poor, but factual, condition of the school system. At one point the president did not want the state to intervene in this situation yet today (post-report) she suddenly announces that she thinks they should intervene. I have news for her, she no longer has a choice because the staties surely are already packing their bags.

With a long history of working with the mentally unstable and a few degrees in mental health, it has become fairly easy for me to identify severe and unstable personality disorders (thought I hate the coinage of terms). Extremely unstable and unpredictable, this president is manipulative and motivated by forces unknown. The frightening part is when she states "I'm only concerned about the kids" -- a mantra for all the school board. As if saying such will make their absurd behavior ok:

• "I'm only doing this for the kids": bash you over the head with a water pitcher...
• "I'm only doing this for the kids": put a witchy curse on your rotten soul...
• "I'm only doing this for the kids": cursing like a sailor regarding your personal life...

I encourage you to write a letter or e-mail to the Department of Education @ http://dese.mo.gov/contactus.html.

Here is a portion of my e-mail:

"Whether or not Dr. Diana M. Bourisaw is able to do a good job is not the issue here as she has not been give sufficient chance to prove herself. The School Board, specifically president Veronica O'Brien, has a history of disruptive behavior. In any organizational structure, dysfunction, corruptness, and incompetency often start from the top and trickle down their inefficiency onto others. At least move to replace Veronica O'Brien with vice president Mr. William Purdy. Possibly better yet, replace the whole board."

Honestly, if no one calls Nancy Grace soon then I'm going to start wearing my "VOTE FOR PEDRO" shirts again.