Escape From Darkness

"The escape from darkness involves two stages: First, the recognition that darkness cannot hide. This step usually entails fear. Second, the recognition that there is nothing you want to hide even if you could. This step brings escape from fear. When you have become willing to hide nothing, you will not only be willing to enter into communion but will also understand peace and joy."*

Sometimes I think that this is a lesson. Recent divorce, newly-discovered infidelity, loss of job, loss of home and pets, more loss of health -- these things must be a lesson, or perhaps, a goal -- that no matter what happens to me or where I go -- that I will always be there. The chief principle in A Course In Miracles is this:

"Nothing real can be threatened. Nothing unreal exists. Herein lies the peace."

This is what I must strive for. I am convinced that there is only one freedom in the universe and this might be it. Perhaps it is only by reaching this state of being that nothing and no one can touch me. I could be chained in the bottom of a basement but be unreachable.

*A Course in Miracles, Chapter 1:4

Freedom

At first I told myself that I would just try it out ... what harm could it do? Way too practical, surely I would never become one of those addicts zooming around on speed. However, as usage has become more frequent and as my skill has increased, so has the needle on my speedometer .

I crave turns so low that my pegs scrape the pavement splaying sparks. Back roads through the countryside beg me to pull the throttle wide open. Lying on the tank of my rocket I can't help but to feel fused with this machine. Even the air cannot rip through my kinesthetic fusion and for a short time I am free - flying - zooming - with no intent on destination. There is no better way to perish than to be doing something you love.

I'm Not a Vegan But Still Think All Things Are Created Equal

She tells me, "she's just a cat ... they don't have the same rights as humans." I hear this all the time and haven't thought much of it. Until now.

I'll catch allot of heat over writing this but perhaps all living things should have equal rights. No, I am not a vegan, I eat meat, and yes I would kill an animal or plant for my survival as well as the survival of other humans ... well, most humans anyway ... but think about it: if we treated all living things with respect and care would we NOT be having such environmental problems and would we NOT be having so many wars and terrorists attacks? I'm not saying problems wouldn't occur but do they have to be this bad?

How do we teach people to treat all living things with respect and care? Fortunately, I have the answer to that: we teach others through example and helping them to feel better about themselves. Also, we can make some new laws. Yes, I am already aware that I am an idealistic hippie.

I've had a sick shelter cat for months now. Everyone tells me to take him back to the shelter. My other cat is rather incontinent and people say to get rid of her or lock her up. I consider them as good family so why would I do that?

Because humans have dominance and power does not give us the right to destroy that of others but instead gives us responsibility for the care of others. It's not just survival of the fittest, it is survival for all because if they go then we go.

Liberation From Our Chains ... True ... but how?

"Our deepest fear is NOT that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, NOT our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?'; Actually, who are you NOT to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world.

There is nothing enlightening about shrinking so that other people won't feel unsure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us, IT IS WITHIN EVERYONE! As we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

(from Nelson Mandela's 1994 Inaugural Address)

NOTE: I actually got this quote from www.tammyfaye.com. I did not agree with most things she said or believed but she was genuine and kind to others.

I'll Say It Again

I'll say it again over and over to myself as long as it takes ... maybe you should too...

"Falling is easy

It's getting back up that becomes the problem

If you don't believe you can find a way out,

you become the problem."

"If you believe you can find a way out,

Then you've solved the problem."*

*"Falling." Staind, "Chapter V"

Head On Down To The Jesus Camp

Someone told me that they became angry after watching the documentary of religious extremists entitled "Jesus Camp." Hoping to find someone else's issue to ride (instead of my own) I finally was able to watch it. Unfortunately, I cannot say it distracted me much from my own brooding.

Having been raised in a community of Pentecosts and extreme Baptists, there was nothing new for me in this movie. I was not shocked and I was not appalled.

While not supportive of teaching such extremist views to children, I do believe that we have to teach our children something. Though I do not know exactly what that should be, I fear that the tactics used in Jesus Camp remind me of tactics used by Algeria, Angola, Bangladesh, Bhurma, Cambodia, Colombia, Congo-Brazzaville, Pakistan, Peru, Rwanda, Sierra Leone, Uganda, etc. At least there were no guns at the Jesus Camp.

Children need guidance and ideals to follow but in the end we all need to decide what we truly believe versus what we were taught to believe. After all, that is the essence of the Jesus story -- to let your old beliefs die to what you truly believe and are but... the path to such self-truth is indeed narrow while the path to craziness seems to widen...

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I Must Find That Which Was Lost

"I dreamt I dwelt in marble halls
With vassels and serfs at my side,
And of all who assembled within those walls
That I was the hope and the pride.
I had riches all too great to count
And a high ancestral name.
But I also dreamt which pleased me most
That you loved me still the same"*

Major life decisions are usually hard and complicated. They tend to sweep me under like a huge salty wave. Often, they involve causing hurt to others and this is very painful to me. Avoiding any harm, I put off major decisions as long as possible. Not until the point of losing more of my soul is upon me that I give in and make painful decisions.

I lost my soul a very long time ago. Thought stolen and/or dead, I believed I would never get it back. Often, I have not even wanted to try because if I ever were to get it back then the grief reminder from the loss would be to great for me to even breathe.

Tonight, I looked at my favorite cat and said to myself, "I love him so much. He is an embodiment of part of my very soul and I love him dearly. I do not know how I would live without him." Then it struck me what I had essentially said: that I loved my own soul. The thought of loving my soul...my essence..my very self... This causes feelings of shame to overwhelm me and that is sad.

"Only night will ever know
Why the heavens never show
All the dreams there are to know"*

I do not know what to say about this. It is too personal yet too foreign. I'll just cite a song that give me hope that I will find my whole soul again:

"Fallen Embers"

"Once, as my heart remembers,
All the stars were fallen embers.
Once, when night seemed forever
I was with you.

Once, in the care of morning
In the air was all belonging.
Once, when that day was dawning.
I was with you.

How far we are from morning.
How far are we
And the stars shining through the darkness,
Falling in the air.

Once, as the night was leaving
Into us our dreams were worth keeping.
Once, all dreams were worth keeping.
I was with you.

Once, when our hearts were singing,
I was with you."*

*Enya, "A Day Without Rain" & "Paint the Sky With Stars"