None Were Ever There

A heart, so full of longing, bleeds
A heart, with no one to turn to, needs


Big eyes, desperate to seek, turn to look
Big eyes, set upon me, forlorn and forsook


Battered soul, ripped and shredded, left to rot
Battered soul, threads of loss, weakened and shot


My dejected hand, weathered and gaunt, reaches in
My dejected hand, barren, finds nothing left but skin.

spewing rem

jaw & shoulders clenching
all hold buckled crackles
plaster starts to wrench
reluctant from it's wall

blood struggles, churns, and boils
pressurized beyond control
air imprisoned, clogged, and wheezing
reluctant hope falls

darkened doors open slightly
nightmares rake the spine and soul
milligrams beckon free is near
reluctant back to hell i crawl

Attempt At Positive Sappiness #1

'Twas the night before Christmas in apartment #1
when lights went out and all were done
with I in my bed, electric blanket on high
the kitties curled up -- we let out a sigh

Though it had been a rough year
- few triumphs but many trials -
it was enough for my defenses
that I hide in my denial


When up from my bed I arose in a shiver
I thought I would cry and my lip began to quiver
Were there to be no presents, no tree, no shine?
Did I forget it all? I began to whine.

My first holiday so alone
no family but no mire
I tried to convince myself
that my state was not so dire


Since I had a job, a car, and a bed
the heat was on and I was fed
I pleaded myself to cheer up and be glad
tho' reason for gloom, no need to be sad

Thanks to amazon.com I ordered my gifts
They were not wrapped but that should not matter
It was good to have them and should give me a lift
Stay together, be strong, and my heart would not shatter

So back into bed, I nestled warm and safe
Telling myself - "I'm no longer a waif!"
Next year would be better - no Bush, more shoes -
It has to get better and I refuse to lose.

none

i guess you don't realize

how much you've lit up my life

and how hard it became

when i stopped lighting up yours

i guess you don't realize

that i've been waiting and hoping

that we would become worth the fight

to you

i guess it is time for me to realize

that you are not coming for me or yourself

and that a life with you means more of a life alone

that i've known too much of already

this is literally breaking my heart

to just not harm yours

but i don't think you realize that either

Clawing

no words

stuck inside myself

i hear the scratching noises

from my own clawed nails

i thought if i could reach myself

then i could reach you

i was wrong

you have to reach yourself

a waste to have tried

to save myself?

Broken Poetic #2

it was too far to fall
the boards could not catch her
so she crashed through them
sending splinters into the void

when she opened her eyes
she could see the blood
and the crawl scrapings
along the walls from her previous visit

certain she would not again escape,
she sheltered herself into a ball
eyes closed again

much blackness -- all within her power to enlighten
but she had no success
she had known it was a risk to try
she did not know that she would lose
or what she even had to lose

Broken Poetic #1

cold winter day on a parking lot
christmas shoppers bustle about
broken down again, the tears fall
she screams and hopes to die
no one hears or looks into her eyes

another table for one won't do today