I'm not going to make it. When the anxiety hits then I just know I will not make it -- that I will end up like this for the rest of my life and I cannot live with the thought of that. I have endured this too long to be able to live with the thought of it going on forever.
I took a half dose of the Effexor yesterday and today I am so anxious that I feel the need to tear off my skin, to scrape it off with a sharp-toothed comb. One-half of 37.5 mg is 18.75 mg. Such a small change should not make such a difference -- especialy since I have been titrating for so long.
Damn them all to hell for ever have allowed those doctors to put me on medication to begin with. I was not depressed. I was traumatized and if they had stepped up to the plate and said, "This is not about her. We are literally screwing her in the *ss and she is reacting to that. This is about us. We need fixing, not her.", then I would not be going through this. I would not be wanting to tear out my hair, eyes, and nails. In fact, I would have not endured allot of what I have.
Action equals reaction so fix the damn action instead. I should be able to go out today into the sun and do something I enjoy instead of shivering and crying.
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