Today is the first year I did not wake up to a christmas tree and presents. Family-less and maritally separated, I awoke to the cats and myself. In addition, today is also my birthday. I spent it alone. I'm certain that I had some choice in the matter and could have made some sort of arrangements but could not find the energy to do so.
For the past few years I've tried to avoid the holiday stress by NOT following the normal stream of thought: that everyone is happy drinking eggnog and opening presents with a loving family. I've received allot of pity lately and just recently defensively placated my christmas/birthday non-plans by stating that:
"I hate when people pity me for culturally-induced ideals of what 'should-be.' This is why people get depressed over the holidays and such. I'm in my apt playing video games, watching dvds, eating, and periodically going out with people. that is goood. "
I think I did a goood job there defending my position even though I just felt like crawling under a blankie with some Klonopin.
Nevertheless, I did make it through this damned day fairly well by cuddling with the cats, eating, and catching up on some DVDs. Could be worse.
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2 comments:
Congratulations on surviving the day! These occasions are so "built up" that if you're not doing the "traditional" thing you sometimes feel like you're the only one. It's all bollocks - they don't even put any special TV on, unless you count yet another showing of It's A Wonderful Life. Just so long as you go to the mall today and buy your share of sale merchandise, you too can be a full participant in the festive season...
Cheers!
You know, I don't think I knew that today was your BD after all these years. I am glad you made it through the day. It is, after all, just a day.
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