Update From The Trenches

I didn't know if or when I would return. All that I knew were the directions as they were pointed out by my inner and outer guides. No matter what the conclusion - dead or alive - I committed to finish this fight even it meant travelling to the depths of hell. Thus far, hell is indeed where my journey has been destined. I cannot say that I have not been here before -- only that my previous visits were even less of my choosing.

The blackness has left me so desperate that the only thing that seems an option is to continue to fight. As much as I have tried, it seems the preference to crawl into my hole and stay is a choice that is not mine to make. I am driven by a force that is beyond my comprehension and existence. It does not matter if I die. The only thing that matters is that I do not fail.

It is beyond me as to why I have been pushed and prodded so. It is beyond me as to why my sisters did not get pushed away from that hellhole -- or even my own parents for that matter. I wish to God they had or still would (as I believed it was always possible) but we all supposedly have the right to self-determination. This is just a right that most people do not seem to even know they have, much less select it. Many conclude that I am extremely bizarre or not sane but I stopped listening to them some time ago.

I'm still here. My tag is A54 and I choose to finish this fight.