Dear Shield,In the past 12 - 18 months i have:
1 farted - so i probably have colon cancer
2 sneezed - this could mean that i have the bird flu
3 had headaches - brain tumor
4 tripped and fell - seizure disorder
5 laughed - schizophrenia
6 tried a schlafly pumpkin spice seasonal brew - alcoholism
7 ingrown toenail - leprosy
8 found hair in comb - radiation exposure of an unknown origin
9 unusual hair on leg - evolutionary morphing
10 sunburn - carcinoma melanoma
11 earache - roach infestation
12 bruise on left thigh - nutritional metabolic disorder
13 sore throat - lymphoma
14 menstrual cramps - toxic shock syndrome
15 took cat to vet - Munchhausen's by proxy
16 excessive profanity - Tourette's Disorder
17 cough - see # 11.
18 shortness of breath after tennis - Congestive Heart Failure
19 fatigue - Lyme disease or lupus
20 stubbed toe - multiple sclerosis
21 thoughts that my HMO would cover illness or injury since I go to work every day and pay them money - DELUSIONS OF GRANDEUR
Sincerely,
Your Valued Member
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1 comment:
That is funny but also sad, because you're probably right on the money.
I hadn't heard anyone mention Toxic Shock syndrome in a long time.
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