running

I can't slow down. If I would just plan ahead for simple things -- like taking a sleeping pill early enough or what am I going to eat for dinner -- then my life would be easier and I would feel better but I just can't slow down. No, I am not manic. That is one diagnosis I have not accrued ... but who knows, I haven't checked the latest DSM either.

The problem is that I'm running -- always running. I run so much that I get nothing done. If I am walking through the house to put something in the laundry room then I get distracted and pick up something else then get distracted and start another task and soon enough the laundry room is forgotten until I go to try and find whatever it is I was trying to relocate.

Work is the worst. I cannot focus. Today I had to escape to an empty office because the noise and walls were strangling me. I do not understand why it is so difficult to manage software development. I know that there are too many variables for anything to be exact but, crap, we have such huge bottlenecks that I'm often left with nothing to do but wait for the seemingly inevitable pink slip and if I do not learn how to control my stress over it then I'm going to end up in worse shape than ever. I like this company and don't want a new job either. Gawd, the world is being run by idiots.

I do not know how to stop running. I want to -- truly I do. This must be a bad one to keep me moving so much. I hope I can get through it instead of running past it all the time.