"I dream of an extraordinary world where angels watch over you as storm clouds gather." *I never really thought of myself as a person who WANTED to be loved. Does anyone ever actually have the conscious thought that “I want to be loved?” …seems too dangerous to me. Allowing such a threat would surely lead to a vulnerability that is unacceptable to any ego; at least, one that is fragile.
Some say that love is an addiction and that the only love you need is the love from yourself. For a long time I believed that no one else’s love would ever be necessary for my well-being. I now think that that is only partly correct and is, actually, somewhat of an excuse for avoiding the potential harm from trusting someone …and HOPING that someone… will love you…that you are ok.
In the movie, 16 Years of Alcohol, the prime character obviously begins his life with the hope for love:
“I've always had a strange feeling about love. It seemed tricky. Happiness and sadness...ugly and beautiful...real and unreal...One thing I've always known though is that I have wanted to be around love. Quietly, not too much, just enough to make my heart feel happy. It didn't have to sing...just smile a little...smile at the world. Love is greedy. Somethings, when things don't work out as you might have hoped, love becomes a dangerous thing. Scary, violent, cold like the mood. But sometimes, warm like the breeze.” *
Supposedly, we all start out in the world wanting to be loved. From our very first breaths we supposedly seek out a figure to attach ourselves too. This is, supposedly a most critical event in our lives as countless research projects and papers, mine included, have focused on this area. The sum of the evidence is here.
But "HOPE" is only step one. Step two is "BETRAYAL."
*"Frankie Mac", 16 Years of Alcohol.
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1 comment:
You are accurate when you say love is tricky. If someone is looking for someone else's love to fill the empty space inside, it is a set up for disaster. It is only a matter of time before there is going to be a big let down or what feels like betrayal. Before we are ready for love from someone else, we have to love and accept ourselves. Only then can we allow the other person to make mistakes and be flawed because we know our worth does not depend on that person. Most people do not love themselves. They look for love from the other to make them feel worthy. Therefore, when the other person eventually screws up, for whatever reason, it is interpreted as "I am not loved". The truth is, it says nothing about me, it only tells me something about the other person and what is going on with that person. When my worthiness is not dependent on someone else loving me perfectly, I allow the other person their mistakes. When my value is not dependent on someone else loving me, I know what my work is if I get hurt - I slipped up - I tried to get someone else to fill my own empty space. It is my responsibility, not anyone else's. And, yes, internal peace = external peace. If someone/group does something that makes me feel bad because I don't love myself enough, then I turn my anger on that person/group and by annihilating them, I eliminate the source of my feeling bad. "Let there be peace on earth and let it begin with me."
I have always liked Scott Peck's definition of love "wanting the best for the spiritual growth of the other". It is not the chemistry or warm fuzzies. It is a bit higher.
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