Being away from my spouse and cats is beyond hard and may kill me but this is not the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. It may look harder because of my physical health. My body cannot handle emotional stress like it used to and has broken down but, though second in line, I do not think it is most difficult experience I have had.
Like I have mentioned, my parents were two Michael Devlins. However, as crazy, horrible, and cruel as they were, leaving them was the worst situation ever. Though I'm told that the life I endured in their house must have been harder, I think it was the leaving that was worse. As is probably the case for everyone, I have loved my mother more than anyone else I have loved.
Though others think that in both situations I made a choice to make the change, I do not feel there was any choice on my part in either situation. Truly, I feel like a pawn being moved about and I do not know how or why.
Someone asked me today, "Aren't you estranged from your family?"
"Sure," I responded. Yet the implied term "leaving," in and of itself, implies a conscious decision and effort to take an action. I have made no such decisions. Not then and not now.
I would much rather be at my house right now and I would also like to be able to phone my mother about this weeks activities but it is just not happening and I have no answer as to why except that life is a crazy pile of crap and we somehow do what we have to do.
Posts
1 comment:
You will be okay.
Post a Comment