It doesn't help to wallow in self-pity but ... I'm trying. Yeah, it's pathetic. It's a pattern. It's me.
Today I got a $4 protective case in the mail for the "new" used MP3 player I bought myself. I was excited. My old one is passing on with a big tendency toward retirement and I do love listening to whatever music I like when I want ... but on my drive home tonight I realized the irony of it all.
Here's the story: Last Christmas I bought the same MP3 player brand new for my husband along with a $40 protective case and it lies in the back of his closet unopened. I've often thought to myself - "did I buy him a present that I wanted?" - because I try HARD NOT to do that. I hate when people do that. But ... why else would he NOT open it except that he didn't want it but I did. I don't know...
When we first met, we loved the same music and loved going to all-day music festivals. I loved lying in that lousy sunny lawn just trying to keep enough fluids in so we wouldn't pass out. We had even less money then and drinks at the amphitheater were quite costly. Anyway, I had hoped it would renew his love for music ... I hope that was why I bought it ... for him, not ME ... yeah, I guess I hoped we'd both have something in common together again.
... however, it's another night in this apartment with another bottle of amber Dos Equis trying not to tear out my jugular. I could go home, it's simple enough to just pick up and move my junk ... what has changed though? Answer: big fat nothing. What about the plans and hopes I'd had for myself and worked diligently toward? Answer: big fat nothing. I was very elated and relieved to have received my MCAD certification earlier this morning but what has it done for my life? Answer: big fat nothing
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