Saturday, July 07, 2007

Mexico Diaries (Day 7)

“`Wouldst thou' - so the helmsman answered. - / `Learn the secret of the sea? / Only those who brave its dangers / Comprehend its mystery!'” *


The salty breeze whips my sun-dried hair into my eyes as I gaze into the Caribbean looking for answers. Confused, I do not understand why I cannot discern the wisdom that is in the sea. It must be too great for my comprehension. I've come to no conclusions regarding what to do with my life. Besides getting rest, I had hoped that I would be able to go home with some sort of solution to make me better. I have none.

I KNOW that I must take care of my physical health as well as my emotional health. Stumbling through life with a run-down dizzy body is not living.

I KNOW that I must find something more meaningful to do with my career. I can't just sit at a nice air-conditioned desk making some John Doe a heap of cash. Whether my reasoning is selfish or not, I crave more fulfillment and I'm no longer sure if one's intentions matter or not. The bottom line is not just the purity of my soul but whether or not I've done good deeds, bad deeds, or neither.

I DO NOT KNOW what to do with my failing marriage or the rage that boils my blood into black madness.

So it is with a paltry of answers and a mass of unanswered questions that I turn back to the sickening commercialized-resort to pack my bags for the trip home.

* Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

1 comment:

CountryDew said...

It is very difficult to make life changes. I applaud you for even considering it. I hope that time will take care of you and give you what you need.

 

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