The Music In My Life - Part II

A dark brown swirl of hair swirls around her head like nothing I've ever seen. The raspy smoker's voice and non-conventional slacks made the band director stand out in our rural, factory-abandoned, and fundamentalist town.

Anyone in the fifth grade has the option of signing up for beginner's band. I have already been playing my neighbor's alto sax & hope that I will be selected for the one sax position available. Almost everyone who has signed up for beginning band wants to play the sax. It seems unfair that only one person will be chosen. Why can't everyone play the sax if they want?

Regardless, I want it very badly. I had been able to improvise tunes since the first time I picked it up, cannot get feel of the pearly keys out of my fingertips, and frequently daydream about it during class. Finally, the director says that she sees something in me that is different from the others. I feel lucky because any other teacher might have picked one of the brighter students.

The smallest in my class, the sax probably weighs more than I and takes both hands to carry in the large black case. My stomach starts to ache every day before the 3pm school bell when I fear that no one will be in the parking lot to take me home but I'm proud to have it and drag it all the way home if I have to. We were all given" practice cards" for the required 30-minute-daily practice routine but I usually practice AT LEAST an hour. I can't say exactly why I am so driven to play except there seems to be some instinctual drive that overpowers me.


I won't go into the trials I endure to eventually get to the level of playing I achieve by the time I finish high school but the effort pays off. Though class Salutatorian, my grades are barely above mediocre for college. However, thanks to my musical achievements, I am offered multiple full scholarships as well as an audition to Julliard.

In sum, it feels as if I raped the music that had participated in the rape of my own life, left shit-town, and never returned to stay. I do not know where I will go from here though.