Twelve Hours

10am: It's hard to believe that the crunch of an apple could be so loud; or, even the quiet guy on the phone who sits all the way across the large loft office. My nerves scream in pain so I poke in my earbuds and crank up The Mozart Sessions in the hopes that the 55 beats-per-minute will prevent me from screaming.

2pm: God, I think I'm going to be sick. A tremor starts in my hands so I head to the restroom. Sickness. Vile sickness. Water cooler, food, unwashed coffee mug? My heart races so I take a Metoprolol and an Immodium.

6pm: I can't believe I just raised my fist to one of the cats. Just a raised fist -- but still. I'm so stressed that I can't stop shaking and my stomach makes noises as it churns. I try to sit with the cats to give them one-on-one time and make up for my crankiness.

7pm: Now that the cats have my attention, they want nothing from me so I decide to finish my WordPress theme. PHP is frustrating enough as it is and now the cats are back jumping on me. I refresh the page after an FTP only to see a the white-screen-of-death. Starting to panic, I hastily search for my backups only to find that they are gone.

8pm: There is a crashing in my head. First, the remote flies across the room and shatters along with other items off the mantle. Within seconds, anything that I can get my hands on goes sailing. I end up in the garage to protect the cats from myself and attempt to slice tennis balls from the ball hopper but with my bad throw I miss and this makes me more angry. As I continue along my path of destruction it hits me: HALF. Three days ago, Dr. cut the Nortriptyline in HALF. I knew something wasn't right about that -- NO ONE CAN EVER cut my medicines in HALF at one time.

9pm Realizing not only the medical foolishness but my own for having NOT prevented it I begin to curse god. I call God names I've never called anyone. I think back to the community mental health center where it all began - where they all started pushing drugs down my throat. If only they had LISTENED TO ME. WHY DIDN'T ANYONE LISTEN INSTEAD OF STUFFING PILLS DOWN MY THROAT?!?

10pm: I re-enter the house and view the remnants of my destruction with the cats are purring(?) for food. I feed them and take a WHOLE dose of the pills.