I Want The Sunshine

"Sunshine, won't you be my mother
Sunshine, come and help me sing
My heart is darker than these oceans
My heart is broken underneath"

It's been almost two months since the bicycle exercise that sent me into that familiar fit of coughing accompanied by a metallic taste of blood. Supposedly, it is probably just exercise-induced asthma but now the coughing finds new ways to appear. I've been waiting two months for the test that would allegedly allow me to be treated properly.

No one notices me lying on the ER bed that has been triaged into the pale hallway. The air-conditioner is cranking out freezing air and this instigates another fit of coughing. When the heart monitor begins to sound it's alarm again, I notice my blood pressure of 150/100 and heart rate of 136.

I was just supposed to get another EKG and then go home. I can't do this anymore. For the past three years, I've had declining health with no explanations. Panic ensues followed by hyperventilation as they give me a shot of Ativan and begin a breathing treatment. After three tries, they finally get my arterial blood gas and I again get the "look" I don't like. Apparently, patients with asthma do not have 110% oxygen in their blood -- especially after an asthma attack. I want to know what is happening to my body. It hasn't even quite hit middle age yet.