I am afraid that my brain is broken. To do a simple task at work I have to make a detailed plan and then take notes throughout the day to keep myself on track. Abilities that I once had are gone. Over the weekend I found myself staring blankly at the wall on multiple occasions. I cannot sleep. When I do eventually fall asleep I have nightmares that wake me up. I can feel the insomnia affecting my health and my fibro pain has been high. Nothing else is known that I can try. I've done traditional and non-traditional therapies and I am broken throughout.
Many times, I have experienced the rest of the world as through a tunnel. Other people speak to me and their voices are muted and far away. I now crave simple things like touch and personal conversation. There is really nothing I can say. I used to watch people, including myself, from above and could not get down to their level, nor did I want to.
Now I just want to function well, sleep, and be healthy. I want health with rosy cheeks and a calm stomach. Not a pale face with darkened eyes and a stomach and back that prevents me from standing up straight at times. I do not know how to fix this which has been broken.
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2 comments:
you have the ability to accomplish what you desire-you just have to want it bad enough. i have suffered from depression for years, been on and off medication, in and out of counseling. eventually, you feel the feelings through and come to the conclusion that depression robs you of the simple joys in life. it may take a while to work through these feelings, but they are temporary-just keep pressing forward and focus on taking care of yourself. that may mean simple things like deep breathing, long baths and talks with friends (or the internet ;)
You can do it.
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