Still no "zzzzz"'s ... mind running rampant ... couple in the east part of the apartment building have been arguing fiercely -- she's very angry and how dare he "turn his back on her when she loves him so?" ...how universal ... I wish she would just go back to her own home so I wouldn't have to listen to her ... how ironic of me ...
So ... forty chapters later in a James Patterson novel, I wander aimlessly on the hardwood floors only to end up here again at the keyboard of my demise. I'm supposed to be staying away from all PCs when not working because they are bad for my health. So many creative things to be done if I am up in the black a.m. but I never feel like doing them during this time.
Times like this pop my plug and all the bitterness putridly oozes out. Everything that I've worked for is probably within my reach but I can't grasp it -- due to my own self I'm certain.
It's supposedly NOT a failed marriage yet -- just some time off. Me here, him there. Me in a chilly apartment with hardwood floors and him in a warm carpeted house with three cats curled up around him purring. It's not the man but the situation I hate. Bitter hate. Bitter hopelessness. Bitter failure. All self-perceived? Don't know, don't care. All I know is that I thought that if I followed Point A to Point B to Point C and so on, just as it should be done, then all would be good but I am still awake and there is no Point Zzzzzzzz!
Summer will be upon me soon, my favorite time of the year full of rich honey with me supposed to be planting and killing plants in my yard
, drinking a brew on the back porch under the evening stars, swimming until I am exhausted, raising fishies, reading books, having fun at work, chasing cats, and polishing my motorcycle. None, None, None, None, None, None, None, None, None.
Frightenly enough, to quote Marilyn Manson, "I just wasn't born with enough middle fingers..." at 2:54 in the a.m.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Posts
1 comment:
I'm sorry this is so hard on you.
Post a Comment