Another Black Screw-Up

the rescue cat

Yesterday I became overwhelmed, lost all rationale and bought a black rescue cat in attempts to drown my pain from missing so dearly my other black cat. I know --- I've lost it again. Chalk up another one to neurotic insanity.

I realize that I have made an awful mistake. It was unfair to the rescue cat and it was unfair to my own cat whom I WILL be back again with someday. But now when I live again with cat #1 then what will I do with this new cat?

Most people would wonder why all the fuss over cats? For goodness sake, just taken him back to the shelter or replace the old with the new. A cat is a cat, right? Or, perhaps, they can co-habitate and all will work out. After all, what is wrong with having some extra cats in a safe loving environment (as opposed to a shelter?)

THE PROBLEM IS that I have LOST ALL RATIONALE when it comes to this situation. Forget the psycho-bullshit for a minute. I lost a child in a most cruel manner and will not be able to have another. In the process, I lost all that was whole in me. I've never been so close to another living breathing being as cat #1. He represents so many things to me that I ache and cry and lose all grips without him. I cannot concentrate on anything, am truly lost, and care for nothing else.

I'm at a point, which I seem to arrive at often lately, where I dearly wish that someone would just FIX this one.