I do not know how to change it. My shoulder started hurting in kindergarten when i wrote on the chalkboard. I tried very hard not to cry.

She always got so angry. I never knew when or why. A jerk here or a tug there. Why was I so weird? Why was I so "backwards"? Why couldn't I be like everyone else? Why can't I stand up straight? Am I a hunchback?

Finally, she started taking me to doctors who had no answer for her.

The physical therapist gives me the green rubber band to work with and small cartoon sample pictures to imitate. I hung one by my desk at work. Fibromyalgia, pinched nerve ... whatever it is they are calling it this month. The one thing they all say consistently is that I need to improve my posture. Otherwise, no one really wants to deal with it. I know it is up to me.

I do not know how to change it. I've tried dealing with the source of it all but she just won't leave. I catch myself throughout the day. I imagine I must look like a turtle or like Star Wars' Hammerhead or like Halo's Arbiter. Perhaps, I don't look very odd at all. I have never been able to tell. I try to pull my shoulders back and my chin in.

I do want to change. I know that now is the time to start making things right and to break old patterns. Allot of people would like to see me do allot of things ... as would I. When I think I am doing them then I find out that I am not and am disappointed.