Driving back to the apartment in the sharp cool of spring, I wondered how it can be that I can love someone so much and NOT have the relationship work out? It was then that I realized the silliness of my thinking -- as if I am unusual. Unrequited love or whatever is one of the classic stories as old as time. It is not unusual at all and I have no control over it.
If I could have control and could have changed just one thing about tonight then what would I do? I would change this conversation:
FROM:
Me: "What are you doing tomorrow?"
Him: "Meeting the guys at the university and ... " (etc)
TO:
Me: "What are you doing tomorrow?"
Him: "Spending time with you I hope."
Yes, I could ask that he spend time with me so why didn't I? I guess because I often do that exact thing - tonight alone was my idea ... and because over dinner I talked and he was disinterested as always ...
Like I said, I have no control over it. I can't make IT happen.
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