Nocturnal Chatterings #23

--ever since the dr. emphasized that i get plenty of protein before anything, my diet has mostly consumed of protein shakes and trail mix. at first i did not realize i was doing it but when i did then i was glad -- the anorexic-type-glad -- so; then i was not glad.

++old habit. Got to find something else to eat in addition to.

--i have not been doing the exercise program and am still an insomniac. i do not want to take more pills. i do not want to mix them all and have a heart attack because if that happens then i will live and then suffer.

--i went to the park to walk but there were people there so i had to strategically place my walking path to avoid them. a man by the tennis courts was staring me in the eyes and i became afraid. i am afraid of people.

++that seems to come and go.

--While walking at the other park I found a worn path that seemed to lead down to a rocky stream. I heard people down there laughing and realized that a residential area was on the other side. I became afraid and walked away. There was a dog barking and growling somewhere and I could hear it so clearly and it seemed loud enough to be right next to me. I started thinking about how friends and families gather and how I can’t remember the last time I had dinner at a family table. I then passed a lady who was walking in the opposite direction and I became afraid and stared at the ground.

++it will pass

--when the one lady was approaching, i noticed i was walking on the side of the path instead of the middle but i do not know where on the path i was placed before she appeared. if i usually walk on the side then does that mean that i am allowing room fomr someone else to walk with me?

--when i got home i went to the bathroom and saw that the toilet needed cleaning so i cleaned it.

++that was fast action for you.

--but then i looked at the new found milia growing on my face and then at my whole dry face, and then at my jagged fingernails. i have not been doing much in the way of personal grooming. i immediately went to the drug store to get some items to assist with this but i got lost.

++but then you located the destination

--by the time i got back home in the bathroom i saw that marking on the tile that reminds me of blood. i do not know how it got there or how long it has been there.

--many times today i have not understood what i was doing. in a fog, in a fog, in a fog.

--i sat down to locate a particular dvd but then got distracted by alphabetizing the dvds but even then got distracted when i went to search for some extra dvd's in another box but then i started organizing that box and forgot want i was supposed to be doing and now i have a mess of boxes and dvds to clean up.

++typical.