Finding That Which Was Lost

"...And when she hath found it, she calleth her friends and her neighbours together, saying, Rejoice with me; for I have found the piece which I had lost.”"

Awake at 3am is not a good sign.

The entire St. Louis region has been glued to the TV astounded by the discovery of two missing boys. That fact that one was found was amazing but that two were found is beyond belief -- yet it happened. I remember clearly the picture of the bicycle from which the older boy had seemingly vanished into thin air over four years ago. Almost an evil blessing that it took one lost child to find another.

It has to take threats to get a child into a car and keep him for any length of time. Threats can be hard to recover from. The longer you live with them the more they change you. Like toxins, they poison your world and shape it into something unrecognizable and seemingly unbearable.

The trauma is haunting but there is no exorcism for it. I've had trauma and have searched every known avenue seeking resolution. Lately, the disillusionment that I would free myself has become too clear and the darkness of it is blinding.

Vividly, I recall living trapped in a house of torture where there was no escape. Threats of terror if I were to leave or tell burdened me heavily. I did not want anyone to get hurt.

Strange that even though the threat of violence is gone I still feel trapped in a house burdened by the misery of others and myself. If I could pack up and leave the sense of hopelessness and doom behind then I surely would but since I've done that once already I know that it would not work. My brooding haunted self will follow.

I hope that the boys get past the shock, the senseless self-blame and shame that replace the utter helplessness, the rage that surely should follow, and find peace. I hope we all do. Finding something lost is a good thing.