Disease Postmarked In The Mail

It is 1:30am. I cannot sleep. I did not sleep last night due to nightmares.

I went to psychiatrist today and he gave me a bag of pills as a remedy to my most recent problems. My memory loss / dissociation and depression are worse. Tired and having no desire to do anything on a beautiful day made it all the more depressing.

I cursed myself throughout the day wondering why i could not just make myself get up and go. I could have blamed the anti-biotics I suppose.

Then I discovered an envelope from the homeopathic doctor I had seen for the purpose of getting a more holistic view of my health situation. She had requested my records from my primary doctor and noted that in 2006 I had a somewhat elevated thyroid level that was never followed up on so she decided to follow up on it. I received the results in the mail late this afternoon. Something called my "thyroid peroxidase antibodies" are >1000 with <35 being normal and this is apparently indicative of Hashimoto's Hypothyroidism. I can't tell you what this means for me exactly since all I received was a note attached to a prescription for thyroid medication via the postal service.

I am so confused. My primary care doctor has been very good to me. I get blood tests done every six months. My health problems seemed to have started in 2006. They've only gotten worse. Who do I trust? My doctor who supposedly has been caring for me for years or a doctor who sends frightening diagnoses and drug scripts in the mail? I don't think there is anyone to trust anymore.