Fecal Debilification

My regular appointment today with the psych was very discouraging. Though not much of a liar, I probably should have at least withheld the truth. He's not a bad doctor by any means but the science of drugs is in their belief system and this is what they do.

Old emerging behaviors that had been previously extinguished seem to indicate that I'm not done well with my losses lately. I'm losing small chunks of time -- not remembering what I've been doing. I have flashbacks, nightmares, no appetite, and today is a beautiful day yet I don't want to go out. So, he hands me a bag of samples and shuttles me along my way.

I don't want to take anymore pills. I'm already on a medication roller coaster trying to control my heart and my lungs -- a problem that (in case I have NOT made clear) I believe is rooted in long-term effects of being in so many psych meds in the first place.

I think I've already been here before. In fact, I've probably blogged about it so perhaps I should just look at old posts. I don't know.