A couple of weeks ago I fell into a reclusive hiding mode (yes, more than usual) where I avoid contact with most everyone. I've become raw and sensitive so that no matter what anyone says/does or what anyone doesn't say/do can send me into despair.
Of course, no one has noticed that I have disappeared into an oblivion but perhaps that is for the best. It is good to know where I stand with others. I tend to get into either one-way relationships where I do most of the initiation of conversation, events, etc. or one-way relationships where the other person is needy and sucking the life out of me. Not always, but not infrequent either.
Regardless, I've gotten to the point where I now become jittery on the ride home from work only to end up in anxiety during the rest of the evening. Now that some of my health issues are being addressed, I have to actually deal with other things that I'd rather avoid. It's easy to get overwhelmed.
Thanks to Blue Country Magic, I picked up a copy of "Eat, Pray, Love" by Elizabeth Gilbert and am hopeful the journey she shares will be helpful to me. Beware, as I will probably be doing quite a bit of blogging regarding this book. I have already been searching for a Guru for myself. I would go to the Ashram in India myself if I hadn't been so close to madness lately (the author's Guru states that the purpose of attending the Ashram is to find one's self but that if your self is near the brink of madness then no one wants to carry you out tied down with wooden spoon in mouth).
For the time being, I've decided that I am overwhelmed by all the stuff I have to take care of. So Self then responded with my Buddha Thought of The Week:
"If you have more stuff than you can manage, then get rid of some of it".
"No matter the frequency, we all have trash to throw away."
I responded by gathering boxes to start sorting through personal belongings at my house so that I can throw away or store as appropriate with the goal being to cleanse myself and do some moving forward.
All this said, I have not decided on when I will come out of hiding. I suppose whenever I feel it is safe for myself and society in general.
All this said, I have not decided on when I will come out of hiding. I suppose whenever I feel it is safe for myself and society in general.
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2 comments:
We could all use a guru, I think. I hope the book does prove useful to you. There are other retreats besides an Ashram; maybe you could take some kind of artist's retreat or something. Is there a local Buddhist thing there you could check out?
I have a Teachings of Buddha book that I stole from a hotel room in Japan that I read occasionally.
Sometimes I wish life could be as simple as it was back in those days. Usually that is followed by knowing how bored I would be too.
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